Enter as a Lamb, Exit in a Straightjacket

It is now more than a week into March, and we are in the gut of the most exciting time in college basketball: March Madness.

College basketball has long been my favorite sport since I was a kid growing up in North Carolina (a friend of mine pontificated upon the subject of college over professional sports ever so eloquently here). And coming from North Carolina I was given the choice (sort of) to follow UNC or Duke basketball, which is like having a choice between working in a soup kitchen during the holiday season (UNC) and watching with glee as an IED that you strategically placed for maximal carnage go off in a full maternity ward (Duke). Since I’m not evil (subjective view) and I actually try on occasion not to be an utter asshole, I chose the side of good and all that is holy in life: the North Carolina Tar Heels.

Psycho T earning 2 of his 2,717 career points

This past weekend, UNC secured an outright ACC regular season championship by completing a sweep of Duke (which would’ve been a shared title with Duke if UNC were to have lost; I’m glad UNC decided to be selfish), while also bidding a homecourt adieu to the reigning national player of the year, Tyler Hansbrough (who, thanks both to an improved supporting cast and the nonpareil Blake Griffin, won’t be taking home another POY award). A much improved Danny Green, a quietly efficient defender Bobby Frasor and a reserve Michael Copeland were also given the senior fête, while the mercurial Ty Lawson (crowned today as the ACC Player of the Year; he was joined on the all-ACC first team with Hansbrough who received his record fourth unanimous first-team selection; the last time Carolina had two on the all-ACC team they won a national championship) and the off and on sharpshooter Wayne Ellington made their most likely last home appearances (both along with Green withdrew from the NBA draft in June, so I expect them to stick their names in the hat more permanently this next summer). Hansbrough is only 52 points shy of the ACC career scoring title, currently held by the nefarious former dookie/dick, J.J. Redick. This last scoring record will likely be claimed either Saturday or Sunday in the ACC tournament for Hansbrough, who will exit as the most decorated Tar Heel ever.

I expect great things from this team in not just the ACC tournament but the NCAA tournament. An NCAA championship would help alleviate some of the accumulated pain suffered over the last two tournaments, with a shameful Elite Eight exit against Georgetown due to a scoreless overtime two years ago followed by an unforeseen drumming by Kansas in last year’s Final Four. Currently the Tar Heels sit at the top of the polls, the first time in ten weeks. Due to the aforementioned pending exits, this year is their best chance in the near future to end a season with the final victory. They may not be the unbeatable team they were touted to be at the beginning of the season, but they are still a pretty damn good team.

Anyhow, since I usually focus on movies here, I’ll take a quick look at basketball in film.

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“Hoosiers”: It is impossible to talk about movies and basketball and not start with “Hoosiers.” I’m not alone in this thinking; A.O. Scott, in line with the current zeitgeist, included a Critics’ Picks video entry last week about this 1986 film.

The story is simple enough: former college coach who has since fallen from grace, Norman Dale (Gene Hackman), leads a small Indiana high school to a state championship against all odds. In the fifties (when the story takes place) all high schools competed against each other for a state title regardless of size in Indiana. So the feat (which vaguely resembles Milan High School’s 1954 Indiana state championship, hence the “inspired by a true story” label) was definitely of Herculean proportions considering the team’s immensely undersized school.

To be honest, there isn’t a special little place next to my heart (maybe I don’t have one?) for this movie, but I find it hard to actually fault this movie for its faults. The trite inspirational movie still has its purpose, and this one bangs its drums ever so loudly and proudly that I was unable to stave off a smile for the inevitable come from behind, buzzer-beating finale. Maybe David Anspaugh, the director, felt he found his niche with this debut film, and so he continued to stick with the underdog sports genre, later helming “Rudy” (1993), the story of the Notre Dame football inspirational hero, and most recently “The Game of Their Lives” (2005), a look at US soccer’s unlikely one-nil victory over England in 1950.

“Hoosiers” continues to make different all-time lists, ranking in at number 4 on AFI’s Top 10 Sports Movies. In a survey last November for the Most Inspirational Movie Ever on moviefone.com, “Hoosiers” made an appearance at number 9. First place went to “My Left Foot.” And with that, I give you:

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“Hoop Dreams”: Unlike “Hoosiers,” which used a substantial sugar coating for its David and Goliath message, “Hoop Dreams” (1994) brings the unadulterated and gripping story of the American Dream as seen through the eyes of two young black men. Arthur Agee and William Gates come from poor black neighborhoods in Chicago. Their skills on the court opened their eyes to a future outside of their impoverished surroundings when they are each given a partial scholarship to play at the illustrious St. Joseph High School. Their NBA aspirations, be it those of 14-year-olds, seem far from a pipe dream; St. Joseph’s recruited Isaiah Thomas (a point Gene Pinatore, the coach for St. Joseph’s, ensures everyone is aware of), who makes an appearance in the film, fresh off leading the Detroit Pistons to a second consecutive NBA championship.

But their roads soon diverge. While William makes a comfortable transition both in the classroom and on the court (he starts on the varsity team in his first year), Arthur struggles (his grades hurt and he is relegated to the freshman team). In Arthur’s words: “I’ve just never been around a lot of white people, but I can adjust.” Later Arthur is upbraided for acting up in class (a symptom his coach is quick to blame on “his environment”), and in his sophomore year he is forced to transfer to the local public school with $1,500 in back tuition. St. Joseph’s would not allow Arthur to transfer credits needed for graduation until his family could set up a way to pay back this money.

Pinatore’s empty talk about caring about his players’ futures is as transparent as glass. When William injures his knee, Pinatore urges him to play prior to a complete recovery. When William fathers a child and his grades suffer, he went to his coach for some help in dealing with his family. Pinatore’s advice: “Write them off.”

St. Joseph’s attempted to sue the film makers, Steve James, Frederick Marx and Peter Gilbert (who spend over seven years of their lives making this film), for defamation of character, and they tried to prevent it from reaching theaters. Luckily, they failed. In conclusion, I’ll borrow more directly from the NY Times review by Caryn James a snapshot of the best moment in the movie:

Depite all the drama on and off screen, a particularly quiet moment best captures the life lesson of “Hoop Dreams” and is the scene most likely to have audiences cheering. William, about to graduate from St. Joseph, tells Coach Pingatore of his college plans. “I’m going into communications,” he says, “so when you come asking for donations, I’ll know the right way to turn you down.” 

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“Teen Wolf”: In case you were unaware of the importance of this centerpiece of American cinema, you just needed to tune in two weeks ago on Larry King Live when Tracey Jordan recounted the entire plot of “Teen Wolf” (1985) before leading all of the country into mass hysteria (with advice such as “take a deep breath, calm down, and start preparing [your] bodies for Thunderdome. That is the new law”) following an Asian stock market panic. Okay, maybe that was only on an episode of “30 Rock”—found online—but still, this is an undisputed American classic that needs to be studied in the classroom next to “Moby Dick” and “Huckleberry Finn.” Just look at some of the life lessons this film manages to inculcate.

Exhibit A: How to purchase a keg of beer when looking like you are 12

Exhibit B: How to surf on top of a moving van (note: so I couldn’t find an English version of this clip, but everyone knows Spanish, right?)

I think they should’ve followed this up with a keg stand on top of the van. Wait, I’m beginning to sound like a Duke(/deuche) fan.